Your boss might be an idiot - and 12 other things you need to know about work | Emma Beddington

Young people want to know more about the world of work. A survey of 2,000 13- to 18-year-olds for BBC Radio 5 Live found that they wanted to learn about applying for jobs (42%), managing stress (39%) and developing their communication skills (38%).

It’s sensible stuff – dispiritingly so. Shouldn’t they be drinking BuzzBallz at bus stops? If someone had asked 13-year-old me what I wanted to know about work, I would have stared blankly, or asked: “What job will let me touch Mark Shaw (of obscure 80s band Then Jerico)?” Look at what their French peers are up to!

I asked a French friend what she thought kids needed to know about work and she said (imagine her taking a drag on a Gauloise; she wasn’t, but still): “Nothing matters, nothing is real, hierarchy is a social construct. Burn it all down.” But in mustn’t-grumble Britain, with its nearly 1 million Neets, teens aren’t rioting – they’re worrying about work experience, CVs and LinkedIn. The least we can do is try to help, so I asked what people think kids should know about exchanging labour for money and these things came up again and again:

Anyone who tells you “do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” is a cliche-sodden bullshitter. “Do something you love and see your relationship to that thing shift, become ambivalent, maybe even curdle” is more accurate. Most people don’t keep a pure, unsullied passion for the thing they spend 40-plus hours a week doing. “All jobs get boring, even if you’re Mick Jagger,” as a friend says.

You don’t need to know what you want to do yet. Try things out: even jobs you hate are illuminating, and it’s almost always better to do something than nothing. Working somewhere poisonously unethical is the exception.

Your colleagues make more difference – good or bad – to the quality of your life than the work itself. You can’t do much about it, but cherish the nice ones.

You never know who the really important people at work will be. There’s usually someone who makes you want to bang your head against a wall until you pass out, but one day they might be the only thing standing between you and disaster – treat them (and everyone else) accordingly.

Equally, just because someone is in charge, it doesn’t mean they aren’t an idiot.

The best advice on complaining to others about your colleagues (or bosses) is don’t, but we’re only human. Take a tip from someone with two scarring, unforgettable “replied instead of forwarding an email” professional experiences to her name, and always triple check you’re sending the bitchy message to the right person.

Speaking of mistakes, you’ll make them. Own up immediately, because the longer you leave it, the harder and scarier it gets. Most people respect and appreciate an honest admission of fault; anyone who doesn’t is an idiot.

Most difficult work situations are improved by a packet of biscuits (unless you work in a biscuit factory).

Speak up when you don’t understand, and don’t pretend you’re on top of a job when you’re not. Bad managers make this feel almost impossible, but try not to let yourself get steamrollered.

So much is forgivable if you’re enthusiastic and cheerful. I say this as someone who is naturally neither, but I’ve seen how winning these qualities are even in people who are, in all other ways, basically unemployable.

You’ll probably lose your job at some point and it will feel like a shameful, personal rejection and the end of the world. It isn’t.

“Shit on company time,” says a wise acquaintance. That’s her pithy way of explaining you can start believing work is so important you can’t spare time for basic bodily needs. Work is never that important (unless you’re doing brain surgery, which you probably aren’t at 16). You’re a human first and an employee second; you have time for a sandwich and a loo break.

Finally, perhaps the most important tip of all from the same wise woman: “Never tell anyone your living grandparent status – you’ve got at least four days off for funerals that way.” Hope that helps, kids.

Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist